Thursday 16 Apirl 2026
Hello, fellow readers of the site. If there are any readers for this site.
I just turned 30 years old 3 weeks ago or so. It's kinda crazy that I am 30 years old lol.. Not too crazy that time does go by really, really quickly. I usually reflect on those things, but sometimes I don't want to delve too deeply into past reflections.
During my early twenties, I wasn't in a good place at all. I just dropped out of a community college after studying for 5 months, and I got yelled at really badly by the teacher for asking something that I shouldn't have said, since I didn't ask the day before.
After that, I felt like I really needed to get out of here. 2 months before, though, there was something that caught my eye when walking around the college library.
The Big You Need To Quit College thing.
So I did in February 2015. My parents were mad, but they understood and gave me those lectures loudly, right in my face.
Later that summer, I did try my best to ask out this girl whom I had been friends with for 2 years during the summer of 2015. I really did like her.
Sadly, right through January 2016, I was rejected by her, and it made me sad. It was even though I really enjoyed my family's 1-month trip to Thailand from January 2016.
Mini Rant
I was pretty much rejected since 2012 and stopped trying around 2017. Even after that, I was pretty much rejected and learned a few things from other girls, though. But I still got rejected, no matter who.
"I don't recommend a girl who is a Christian." Despite having the same faith as them, it's really hard to date them nowadays. Because no one goes to church, and it's so easy to get rejected nowadays, it's so easy, not gonna lie.
Here are good examples of what they said: "It's really polite."
- I don’t have any plans to be with anyone since I’m still working on myself for now, ya know.
- I am not planning on seeing anyone right now, sorry.
- I am sorry, I don't know you much, but let's be friends first.
- I am not interested
Am I really angry or frustrated
Yes, I am !!!
It's ok though. That's why I kinda just gave up on that stuff. Even if I try, there will always be a no from the Christian faith. I was pretty much rejected since 2012 and stopped trying around 2019.
There was a Reddit post that I would say is true because I was in this situation as well.
In the end, it's not just me, but everyone, I guess, right?
My Love for Japanese/Korean Girl Idols
I first discovered them through YouTube. I was truly enamored by my first Jpop group, C-ute, and then by my first Kpop girl group, Kara.
By then, the girl group was the norm in my life.
There's something special about it. Well, yes, there's no way to date them or whatever, but the beauty and the sound give this aromatic feeling that makes you feel ecstatic or gives a good feeling of something.
It's very hard to explain to. But something very, very special
After all that happened from rejection and how bad it went through the year 2016 , the God of Idols from the J-pop world became my saving grace once again. It really did become my saving grace.
AKB48 and NogiZaka family
I will be single until the next life or so, haha ???
I am not truly sure, but no matter what comfort I will surround myself with, I will be ok.
But I will fucking say that I will also give my absolute gratitude to Fucking Final Fantasy 14. I fucking Love Final Fantasy 14. I started playing this game when I was 24 years old.
Ok, so for the present time, I am doing ok, just really, really busy, and have only been typing this on my Steam Deck for a while now. I don't have time to really copy and paste code yet, haha.
There are a couple of projects that I wanna do for the website and maybe YouTube.
First off, my big, big project is coming this year, maybe by the end of the year. And it's actually called My Thoughts on the Final Fantasy 14 Dawn Trail from a Casual Perspective.
This is a big, big project that I started a couple of months ago as a thought for thought on FF14 Dawntrail expansion and FF14 as a whole, since I started playing this game way back in May 2020.
The other projects are not gaming related, but movie reviews that I just wanted to get out of the way from my thoughts and how I felt about them when I first watched them in high school. Star Trek Season 1 review, and why Star Wars Episode 3 is my favorite movie as a kid in 2005.
I am gonna try writing all these though lol...
For the state of the website?
So after reading Suboptimalism's last post for his Neocity site, I understand why he's doing this. It made me think if I kinda should go back to my Substack account. But after looking at its own TOS and such, I was surprised that I may be wrong, but I saw that users may need to scan their face, and I was like Fuk no, I ain't gonna scan my face for it sheet!! Not gonna forfeit my identity on a site.
So yeah, I am still not gonna go anywhere lol.. I still love my site. Still trying my best to write and upload to the site, and for that big project, it may be up on YouTube.
Please check out and subscribe to my YouTube channel. It may be nothing, but at least there's something on it that could be interesting for you.
So, yeah, I'm going to go on a hiatus after this because I'll be busy for three weeks until Mother's Day.
Thanks for reading, whoever you are. God bless xoxoxo